Write to Make Your Relationship Right – Part 2

Last week, I discussed with you the benefits of writing in order to help relieve the pent-up emotions you feel, whether they’re brought on by some incident with your mate or from something else. As I said, pent-up emotions that aren’t expressed, don’t go away. By doing free association writing, it allows you to purge them. When you do, not only will you feel better emotionally, but it will help to ensure that these feelings will not leak onto your partner.

For the two of you

But writing can also be a wonderful tool to use with your partner.

If you are upset with something that has transpired between the two of you, consider writing a letter to your mate. I would suggest that you hold nothing back -- let it all out. However, there is one hitch. You are not going to give this draft to your significant other. This first attempt is something akin to free association writing -- it will serve to get your feelings out.

Now, go back and rewrite to your partner about the part that has upset you. If you have been following my posts, you know that it is really important that when you communicate, you don’t attack the other person. Writing is just another form of communication and so the rule applies here also.

The main advantage to this method of communicating is that you have a chance to monitor what you are saying. Because you are not involved in a face-to-face confrontation, you don’t have to “think on your feet” or be concerned about becoming flustered. Rather, you can gather your thoughts.

Try to remember to validate your partner; that is, to include some acknowledgement of what he or she might be going through. As you put down what you want to express, talk about how you are experiencing things, talk about your perspective. Bring up facts instead of making accusations.

Warning

There is one potential problem with this exercise. You have put down what you want to say in writing. So, you do want to read over your words carefully before you deliver your letter. I would suggest writing it, taking some time away from it and coming back to it. When there is some distance created, and emotions have had a chance to calm down, what you have written may take on a different feel to you. Try to imagine how your partner will react to what you have said.

On the other hand, by writing, you have given your partner the opportunity to think about what you have presented. As a matter of fact, you can even include that in your letter as an explanation as to why you have chosen this medium. Though your mate may have an initial reaction, he or she can go back and re-read what you have written and mull it over.

Finally, suggest that this is really a way to start a dialogue between the two of you. When other methods you have used to try to talk to your partner haven’t worked, try this.
Writing can, indeed, serve as a gesture or a bid to reconnect.

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